In Over My Head

I felt like this week provided a lot of lessons rolled up into one crazy week. This week, we had a one on one ratio of counselors to campers due mostly to behavioral issues. I had a camper who was self-abusive. What this means is that they harm themselves in some way (biting their hand, hitting their head against something, etc.). They do this for a wide variety of reasons: frustration, anger, being asked to do something they don’t want to do, or an inability to communicate something they want or need. My particular camper hit himself in the head and face. Hard. He had significant scarring on his face and forehead and was virtually, if not completely, blind.  And all of it was self-inflicted. Hearing his story from his staff member that dropped him off was heartbreaking. Not knowing how to manage his behavior at home, his family used restraints to tie down his arms in case his self-aggression got too intense for them to manage. He had scarring on his arms from the restraints. To meet him Monday morning and hear all of this first thing was quite intimidating. My first thought was, “I’m in over my head.” But then somewhere during the week, something changed. This camper and I bonded. He would begin to hit himself and all I had to do was hand him one of the stuffed animals he brought, tell him to hold on to it tight, and tell him, “You’re okay” for him to stop. By the end of the week, he was holding my hand and putting his head in my lap just as a reassurance that someone was there, that it really was okay. He was nonverbal, but his smiles and laughs said it all. And sometimes so did his outbursts. I came to find that he hit himself when he was angry, frustrated, or asked to do something he didn't want to do. Sometimes I also think he did it out of habit. When we sat down, often he would feel around to see if there was a wall or a railing close by that he could hit his head on. Simply putting an arm around his shoulder usually solved this problem. Wednesday I wasn't feeling well so I took the afternoon off and I found myself really missing this camper. Thursday we sat on the swing for what seemed like hours and I talked and he listened, all the while laying his head in my lap, nodding off to the rhythmic squeak of the swing. It was probably one of my favorite moments at camp thus far.

This week also had me thinking about something else: how people with special needs are viewed in other countries. My camper was Korean and it occurred to me that I know nothing about how people with disabilities are perceived in other cultures. Do they have group facilities abroad like we do in the United States? Or do people with disabilities live with their families? This is something I’d definitely like to learn more about…

This week also made me think about the spectrum of emotions that human beings experience. There was a camper in another group who was always extremely happy. She always had a huge smile on her face and was always super excited to see everyone, to hug them, or to hold their hand. I never saw her unhappy. For someone with a severe cognitive disability, I wonder how this affects their spectrum of emotion. Do they worry in the same way as those of us who worry about seemingly trivial things? Do they feel jealously if someone else is getting the attention they consciously or subconsciously crave? How do frustrations manifest? In even asking these questions, I admit I am showing my complete ignorance about the wide spectrum of cognitive disabilities  but I think it is definitely something that warrants more investigation to answer the questions being asked.

Looks like I've given myself plenty of homework on the cultural and emotional aspects of people with special needs...